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Stinger Photo 23

Don't Mess With My Plane

Sgt Bright

Don't Mess With My Plane - Sgt Robert "Andy" Bright, Stinger Crewchief, with his form fitting bandolier strikes a pose that would make anyone think twice about messing with his aircraft. Maintenance men have been known to spit bullets if they catch you screwin' with their plane.
(Photo courtesy of Andy Bright)

Crew Chief Bright says:
You might be a crewchief if...

- You ever slept under the wing of an airplane
- You've ever said "Oh yes sir, it's supposed to look that that"
- You know what a pointy head is
- You've ever sucked LOX to cure a hangover
- You know what AVGas tastes like
- You've ever used a grease pencil to fix an overworn tire
- You have a better bench stock in the pockets of your jungle fatigues than the supply folks
- You've ever used a piece of safety wire for a toothpick
- You've ever had to say, "My boots are still black!"
- You refer to a pilot as a control stick actuator
- You've ever been told to get some propwash, a yard of flightline, or a lefthanded monkey wrench
- You've ever worked a 16 hour shift on an aircraft that isn't flying the next day
- You've ever said, "As long as she starts every other try you'll be fine sir."
- You've ever been told to tow aircraft around so they match the board in Maintenance Control
- You believe your gunship has a soul
- You talk to your gunship (In your head still counts)
- You've ever said "That Nav light burned out after launch."
- You've ever used a wheel chock as a hammer
- The only thing you know about any city is where the good bars are
- You know more about your fellow maintenance men than your own family
- The refridgerators in your barracks only have beer in them
- When you finish a TDY there are enough empty beer cans to build an airplane to fly home in.
- You've ever looked for pictures of "your" plane in aviation books
- You can't figure out why Maintenance Officers exist.
- You ever wished the pilot and crew would just say, nice aircraft, thanks chief!"
- You take it as a badge of honor to be just called "Chief"
- You've ever passed gas in the step van just to clear it out
- You relieve yourself more often outdoors than indoors
- You can't comprehend why everyone doesn't want to be a crewchief
- You think everyone who isn't a crewchief is a wimp
- You can't figure out why your two-week per-diem is gone after 3 days
- Most of your advance is spent in $1 increments in a "club"
- You can sleep anywhere, anytime, but as soon as the engines shut down you are wide awake.
- Most everyone thinks your job mostly consists of waving your arms
- You've ever stood on wheel chocks to keep your feet dry
- You've eaten more box lunches or MRE's than hot meals
- You change your underwear and T-shirts more often than your fatigues
- You've used dykes to trim a fingernail
- You've used RTV to fix a loose screw
- Made machine gun noises while riding breaks on a tow job
- Wiped your hands on your pants
- Made tampons out of paper towels for drain hole leaks
- Knocked back a rivet stem that was hanging out a drain hole
- Wiped leaks immediately before crew show
- Thrown up more than two days in a row
- Gotten the new guy drunk just so you could make fun of him the next day
- Worn someone elses hat to chow
- Taken pride in grossing someone out
- Made sure the coffee pot was the first thing in the mobility bin
- The first thing briefed on TDY is the coffee fund
- All you care about is the flying schedule and your days off
- While TDY you've been to the club or bar before you even unpack
- Hated the crew for going to the club in flightsuits
- Hated the crew for not recognizing you in the BX or commissary
- Hated crewchiefs that couldn't hack the line, got admin jobs and promoted BTZ
- You've ever pencil whipped your training records
- Hate the fact that admin and other weenies get rides in your gunship but you don't
- Chipped ice out of your moustache or grounding point
- Thrown something living into vented LOX or a puddle of AVgas
- Wondered where they keep finding the idiots that keep making up stupid rules
- You've ever had to defuel your aircraft an hour after you refueled it
- You've ever worked in a shop where the person held in the highest regard is the one who can drink a six pack in less than 5 minutes and not puke
- The person held in second highest regard is the one who projectile pukes
- You tell your peers you're getting divorced and the first thing they ask is, "selling anything?"

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